Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
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It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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