i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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