you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
