I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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