Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
