He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm really busy with my period
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