My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
