Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
