You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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