nut hugger
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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