she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
