Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
