That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize