Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i drank out of a bidet.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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