i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
