i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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