..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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