I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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