I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
