Your tits are I can't wait for
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz