Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS