Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?

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  (415): if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me? http://tfl.nu/n53h
  Replies (90) Good night (785) Bad night (10179) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

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  (613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!" http://tfl.nu/plpd
  Replies (11) Good night (5214) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.

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  (970): you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake. http://tfl.nu/y1g9
  Replies (18) Good night (922) Bad night (4407) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.

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  (360): While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever. http://tfl.nu/mdyd
  Replies (16) Good night (6382) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage

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  (609): This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage http://tfl.nu/v5ez
  Replies (26) Good night (7080) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM

  (909): View more from California

  I'm scared to ask why.....

  (509): View more from Washington

  1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.

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  (509): I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM (909): I'm scared to ask why..... (509): 1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare. http://tfl.nu/ztpp
  Replies (13) Good night (4745) Bad night (834)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis

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  (828): Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis http://tfl.nu/fz5v
  Replies (6) Good night (5825) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

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  (805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5
  Replies (45) Good night (9761) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.

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  (412): I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke. http://tfl.nu/tyrp
  Replies (3) Good night (418) Bad night (2538) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party

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  (925): What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party http://tfl.nu/qwra
  Replies (3) Good night (1171) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (435): View more from Utah

  some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.

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  (435): some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit. http://tfl.nu/s9z4
  Replies (5) Good night (1140) Bad night (450)
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  (909): View more from California

  When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?

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  (909): When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too? http://tfl.nu/ln8u
  Replies (6) Good night (1254) Bad night (332) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.

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  (813): If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/2jpe
  Replies (5) Good night (1130) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold

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  (407): I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold http://tfl.nu/xl1f
  Replies (6) Good night (819) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.

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  (817): Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer. http://tfl.nu/fjqn
  Replies (6) Good night (917) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt

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