I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
