I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
