6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
