the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
