That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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