I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
