Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
