Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
