there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
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I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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