mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
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I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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