You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
