Got a toothbrush?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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