people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You took a bar mat shot.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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