If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
