You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
