I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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