Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
