Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
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Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
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Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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