So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
