Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
