He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
