i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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