is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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