I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
