Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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