I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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