And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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