I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
