Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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