my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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