Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
