Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There's even glitter on my cock...
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