Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
