Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
