When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
