Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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