Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We had sex on a dog bed..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
