So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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