You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
