you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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